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Movie Reviews: Parker, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

Find movie reviews and showtimes for theaters in the Fridley area.

 

Editor's Note: All reviews and information aggregated from Moviefone and RottenTomatoes.

Want to catch a movie this weekend? Here is Patch's roundup of movies playing at the three theaters in the Fridley area: Regal Brooklyn Center Stadium 20, Carmike Wynnsong 15, AMC Showplace Coon Rapids 16, AMC Rosedale 14 and the Heights Theatre.

New this weekend:

Parker
One sentence plot: Parker (Jason Statham) is a professional thief who lives by a personal code of ethics: Don't steal from people who can't afford it and don't hurt people who don't deserve it.
Moviefone viewer score: 85
Reviews:
"How does Hackford fall so far off the rails with the pedestrian crime thriller Parker, based on the 19th book in the Parker series by the late Donald E. Westlake (no slouch himself, with scripting credits on The Grifters and The Stepfather)? For starters, Westlake didn’t pen this script, and the John J. McLaughlin screenplay is a mess, both highly ludicrous and predictable. McLaughlin – yeah, the same dude who wrote Black Swan and the recent Hitchcock — really treads in the shallow end of the gene pool here." Montreal Gazzette. Full review

"'Parker' plays like the bloodiest promotional video ever made for Palm Beach tourism. Stabbings, explosions and furniture-smashing brawls occur at some of the ritziest (and name-checked) locations within the sun-splashed, pastel-soaked slab of Florida opulence. Kinda gives a whole new meaning to the idea of The Breakers." Star Tribune. Full review

 

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters
One sentence plot: After getting a taste for blood as children, Hansel (Renner) and Gretel (Arterton) have become the ultimate vigilantes, hell bent on retribution.
Moviefone viewer score: 91
Reviews:
"High-concept pitch or no, the movie doesn’t really work. They were shooting for sort of a witch-hunting 'Zombieland,' an F-bomb-riddled 'Van Helsing' packed with comical anachronisms — a Bavarian forest past with witch trials, pump shotguns and primitive Tasers, where bottles of milk have woodcut pictures of 'missing children' on the labels." Norfolk Daily News. Full review

"In the 3D Witch Hunters, the kids were taken into the woods and left on their own by their father. They stumble into a candy-covered witch house, are taken prisoner and when they figure a way out of their fix - working as a team - they've found their calling. They'll track, shoot, stab, behead and burn witches. Whatever it takes." The Age. Full review

"Even though their skillsets are essentially limited to finding and killing witches, Hansel and Gretel decide to rescue the children themselves. Really, the film should have been called Hansel and Gretel: Occasional Child Recoverers, but that doesn't scan so well. So, who could have abducted the children? A witch?" The Guardian. Full review

Other movies in theaters:

Mama
One sentence plot:
Guillermo del Toro presents 'Mama', a supernatural thriller that tells the haunting tale of two little girls who disappeared into the woods the day that their parents were killed.
Moviefone viewer score: 84
Reviews:
"What's under the bed? Who's behind that door? What's making those vaguely satanic noises? These and other thought-provoking questions are entertained in Mama, a visually polished but overly repetitive chiller." Variety. Full Review

"It never hits the high notes of Mr. del Toro's own films or successfully weaves between reality and fantasy as it should." New York Observer. Full Review

"Nothing in the movie is quite original, yet Muschietti, expanding his original short, knows how to stage a rip-off with frightening verve." Entertainment Weekly. Full Review

Do you plan on seeing this movie? Please tell us what you thought in the comments below.

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Broken City
One sentence plot:
The mayor of New York City hires a disgraced ex-cop to identify his wife's lover, setting into motion a scandalous series of events in this post-noir thriller from director Albert Hughes.
Moviefone viewer score: 91
Reviews:
"'Broken City' is an evocative and over-ambitious title for a so-so political potboiler that wants to be a gritty, expansive epic of moral and urban decay." Variety. Full review.

"Broken City tells a sordid tale of big city corruption that would have made for a fine film noir sixty years ago but feels rather contrived and unbelievable in the setting of contemporary New York... It's never really convincing that the characters would do some of the far-fetched things required of them by the script, resulting in a sense of detachment that is never helpful for a thriller." The Hollywood Reporter. Full review.

Do you plan on seeing this movie? Please tell us what you thought in the comments below.

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Gangster Squad
One sentence plot:
Ruthless, Brooklyn-born mob king Mickey Cohen (Sean Penn) runs the show in this town, reaping the ill-gotten gains from the drugs, the guns, the prostitutes and--if he has his way--every wire bet placed west of Chicago.
Moviefone viewer score: 90
Moviefone critic score: 43
Reviews:
“The cops play things as dirty as the crooks in Gangster Squad, an impressively pulpy underworld-plunger that embellishes on a 1949 showdown between a dedicated team of LAPD officers and Mob-connected Mickey Cohen (Sean Penn) for control of the city.” Variety. Full Review.

“Made up of synthetics rather than whole cloth, this lurid concoction superficially gets by thanks to a strong cast and jazzy period detail, but its cartoonish contrivances fail to convince and lack any of the depth, feeling or atmosphere of genre stand-bearers like ‘L.A. Confidential.’” The Hollywood Reporter. Full Review.

“Despite the unrelenting action and the terrific cast, Gangster Squad comes up more scattered than successful.” Austin Chronicle. Full Review.

Do you plan on seeing this movie? Please tell us what you thought in the comments below.

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Zero Dark Thirty
One sentence plot:
The filmmaking duo behind The Hurt Locker (Kathryn Bigelow and Mark Boal) takes on the hunt for -- and the killing of -- Osama bin Laden in this Annapurna Pictures production that tracks SEAL Team Six, the special-ops team who eventually brought down the terrorist leader.
Moviefone viewer score: 63
Moviefone critic score: 95
Reviews:
“Telling a nearly three-hour story with an ending everyone knows, Bigelow and Boal have managed to craft one of the most intense and intellectually challenging films of the year.” The Guardian. Full Review.

“Like the fictional Clarice Starling in ‘The Silence of the Lambs,’ Maya is a consummate professional who brilliantly performs her job in an often hostile work environment.” New York Post. Full Review.

“A monumental achievement that documents a coordinated and complicated response to a monumental tragedy.” Philadelphia Enquirer. Full Review.

Do you plan on seeing this movie? Please tell us what you thought in the comments below.

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The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
One sentence plot: The adventure follows the journey of title character Bilbo Baggins, who is swept into an epic quest to reclaim the lost Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor from the fearsome dragon Smaug.
Moviefone viewer score: 72 percent
Moviefone critic score: 58
Reviews:
“Charming, spectacular, technically audacious; in short, everything you expect from a Peter Jackson movie. A feeling of familiarity does take hold in places, but this is an epically entertaining first course.” Total Film. Full Review.

“A mesmerizing study in excess, Peter Jackson and company's long-awaited prequel to the Lord of the Rings saga is bursting with surplus characters, wall-to-wall special effects, unapologetically drawn-out story tangents and double the frame rate (48 over 24) of the average movie.” Time Out New York. Full Review.

“I'm holding the filmmaker responsible for getting us all back again - to feelings of excitement and delight. Vital as they are, Gollum and Bilbo can only do so much to keep us enchanted. Is Jackson able to sustain the magic in two more installments? I peer into Tolkien's Misty Mountains and embrace the journey.” Entertainment Weekly. Full Review.

Do you plan on seeing this movie? Have you seen it already? Leave a review of the film with a comment below.

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Django Unchained
One sentence plot: Set in the South two years before the Civil War, Django Unchained stars Academy Award winner Jamie Foxx as Django, a slave who forms an unlikely partnership with German-born bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz.
Moviefone viewer score: 73
Moviefone critic score: 80
Reviews:
"A sharp shock of a film in an Awards season very full of movies so noble they become immobile. It's wildly unlikely to get much love from the Academy, and that's fine-bluntly, it's too good for them. With its bloody stew of history and hysteria, action taken from movies and atrocities taken from fact, Django isn't just a movie only America could make-it's also a movie only America needs to." Boxoffice Magazine. Full Review.

"Exactly what you might expect from the fearless, controversial director of "Pulp Fiction" - it's overlong, raunchy, shocking, grim, exaggerated, self-indulgently over-the-top and so politically incorrect it demands a new definition of the term. It is also bold, original, mesmerizing, stylish and one hell of a piece of entertainment." Rex Reed of New York Observer. Full Review.

"Django Unchained also has the pure, almost meaningless excitement which I found sorely lacking in Tarantino's previous film, Inglourious Basterds, with its misfiring spaghetti-Nazi trope and boring plot. I can only say Django delivers, wholesale, that particular narcotic and delirious pleasure that Tarantino still knows how to confect in the cinema, something to do with the manipulation of surfaces. It's as unwholesome, deplorable and delicious as a forbidden cigarette." Peter Bradshaw of The Guardian. Full Review.

Do you plan on seeing this movie? Have you seen it already? Leave a review of the film with a comment below.

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Les Miserables
One sentence plot: Set against the backdrop of 19th-century France, Les Miserables tells an enthralling story of broken dreams and unrequited love, passion, sacrifice and redemption, in a timeless testament to the survival of the human spirit.
Moviefone viewer score: 81
Moviefone critic score: 63
Reviews:
"Stirring and striking, Hooper's epic musical won't be wanting for awards and plaudits. Danny Cohen's cinematography is stunning and Hathaway's Oscar is guaranteed." Neil Smith of Total Film. Full Review.

"Russell Crowe's pained vocal stylings (they sound more like barks) as relentless Inspector Javert can be forgiven after hearing Hugh Jackman's old-pro fluidity in the central role of Jean Valjean, hiding a criminal past." Joshua Rothkopf of Time Out New York. Full Review.

"Fortunately, this sprawling epic is well-anchored. There cannot be a better big-screen showman than Jackman." Elizabeth Weitzman of New York Daily News. Full Review.

Do you plan on seeing this movie? Have you seen it already? Leave a review of the film with a comment below.

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This is 40
One sentence plot: Five years after writer/director Judd Apatow introduced us to Pete and Debbie in 'Knocked Up', Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann reprise their roles as a husband and wife both approaching a milestone meltdown in 'This Is 40', an unfiltered, comedic look inside the life of an American family.
Moviefone viewer score: 53
Moviefone critic score: 58
Reviews:
"This Is 40 isn't always hilarious, but it's ticklishly honest and droll about all the things being a parent can do to a relationship. And why it's still worth it." Owen Gleiberman of Entertainment Weekly. Full Review.

"Judd Apatow's instincts have rarely been sharper, wiser or more relatable than in This Is 40, an acutely perceptive, emotionally generous laffer about the joys and frustrations of marriage and middle age." Justin Chang of Variety. Full Review.  

"In short, This Is 40, in tried and true Apatowian style, mixes weighty issues about intimacy and cohabitation with astute and smart-alecky pop culture references, crude bathroom jokes, stoner riffs, boob ogling, and existential angst." Steven Rea of Philadelphia Inquirer. Full Review.

Do you plan on seeing this movie? Have you seen it already? Leave a review of the film with a comment below.

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Jack Reacher
One sentence plot: The Usual Suspects' Christopher McQuarrie brings Lee Child's Jack Reacher character to the big screen with this Paramount Pictures release starring Tom Cruise as the lone-wolf investigator on the hunt for a murderous sniper.
Moviefone viewer score: 65
Moviefone critic score: 49
Reviews:
"In terms of pure pop entertainment value, you'll be hard-pressed to find a more smartly constructed, beautifully shot, pulse-pounding movie this holiday season." Drew Taylor of The Playlist. Full Review.

"A superior thriller, with Cruise and McQuarrie slotting together like a bullet in a clip. Like Reacher on the firing range, the aim isn't always true – but the misses are fractional." James Mottram of Total Film. Full Review.

"Tom Cruise is in fine form as mysterious tough guy Jack Reacher finally reaches the big screen." Todd McCarthy of The Hollywood Reporter. Full Review

Do you plan on seeing this movie? Have you seen it already? Leave a review of the film with a comment below.

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Mike B. June 17, 2013 at 03:56 pm
Sad to say, the Minnesota budget will drive more Minnesota families and businesses out of thisRead More state. The Democrat Party has enacted a far-left wing agenda. New business start-ups in Minnesota continue to decline. Why should a business invest in a state with confiscatory taxes? Wisconsin and the Dakotas, with excellent Republican governors are attracting business and top-flight workers, while Minnesota stagnates at best.
Fridley Parks & Recreation June 9, 2013 at 06:56 am
For complete rules on how to participate visit the City's web site:Read More http://ci.fridley.mn.us/images/article-files/parksandrec/49erdays/Fridley_Idol_Rules.pdf
Fridley Parks & Recreation June 9, 2013 at 07:01 am
For rules and detailed information on the contest visit the City's web site:Read More http://ci.fridley.mn.us/49er-days/fridley-idol
Dan Johnson June 12, 2013 at 05:50 pm
Candace. Religious groups currently perform same sex marriages, as they have in the past. RequiringRead More a religious ceremony for a marriage does not solve your problem of same sex marriages. It only denies marriage to non-believers. And would you include every religion? Or just those of which you approve? Same sex marriage is nothing new. Despite your lack of information, same sex couples have been getting married throughout history, and marriage has taken many other forms as well in addition to the 8 types found in the bible. Dire predictions of collapse do not show how treating all persons equally under the law results in the loss of freedom rather than the expansion of it.
Dan Johnson June 12, 2013 at 06:14 pm
Donald. We can agree on liking better, the old format that allows direct replies. Strange youRead More would accuse Mike H. of seeking a utopia, and then describe your childhood experience where all conflicts are successfully resolved by the parties involved, without the help of adult intervention. Most of us lived in a very different reality, where bullies were often tolerated if not encouraged by many adults, and some kids suffer severe harm which results in suicide for more than a few. While I don't support "zero tolerance" laws or policies that expel all kids who are involved in a physical altercation, I support adult intervention in all such events. They should be used to teach civilized conflict resolution, anger management, and assess the need for any other intervention. Kids who bully are often learning it at home through being abused. Did you skip reading "Lord of the Flies"?
Dan Johnson June 12, 2013 at 06:25 pm
I also miss paragraphs.
Dan Johnson June 4, 2013 at 06:10 pm
American Academy of Pediatrics: "The terms reparative therapy and sexual orientation conversionRead More therapy refer to counseling and psychotherapy aimed at eliminating or suppressing homosexuality. The most important fact about these “therapies” is that they are based on a view of homosexuality that has been rejected by all the major mental health professions. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders,6 published by the American Psychiatric Association, which defines the standards of the field, does not include homosexuality. All other major health professional organizations have supported the American Psychiatric Association in its declassification of homosexuality as a mental disorder in 1973. Thus, the idea that homosexuality is a mental disorder or that the emergence of same-sex attraction and orientation among some adolescents is in any way abnormal or mentally unhealthy has no support among any mainstream health and mental health professional organizations. The idea that homosexuality is a mental disorder or that the emergence of same-sex attraction and orientation among some adolescents is in any way abnormal or mentally unhealthy has no support among any mainstream health and mental health professional organizations."
Dan Johnson June 4, 2013 at 06:12 pm
"Despite the general consensus of major medical, health, and mental health professions thatRead More both heterosexuality and homosexuality are normal expressions of human sexuality, efforts to change sexual orientation through therapy have been adopted by some political and religious organizations and aggressively promoted to the public. However, such efforts have serious potential to harm young people because they present the view that the sexual orientation of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth is a mental illness or disorder, and they often frame the inability to change one’s sexual orientation as a personal and moral failure. Because of the aggressive promotion of efforts to change sexual orientation through therapy, a number of medical, health, and mental health professional organizations have issued public statements about the dangers of this approach. The American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Counseling Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the American School Counselor Association, the National Association of School Psychologists, and the National Association of Social Workers, together representing more than 480,000 mental health professionals, have all taken the position that homosexuality is not a mental disorder and thus is not something that needs to or can be “cured.” The American Academy of Pediatrics advises youth that counseling may be helpful for you if you feel confused about your sexual identity. Avoid any treatments that claim to be able to change a person’s sexual orientation, or treatment ideas that see homosexuality as a sickness." AAP
Dan Johnson June 4, 2013 at 06:31 pm
Ironically, much of the research showing orientation is not a choice, comes from failed efforts toRead More change it. Not only have such efforts shown efforts to change orientation are not successful, but that they are often harmful to the point of self destructive behavior including suicide. "Contrary to claims of sexual orientation change advocates and practitioners, there is insufficient evidence to support the use of psychological interventions to change sexual orientation," said Judith M. Glassgold, PsyD, chair of the task force. "Scientifically rigorous older studies in this area found that sexual orientation was unlikely to change due to efforts designed for this purpose. Contrary to the claims of SOCE practitioners and advocates, recent research studies do not provide evidence of sexual orientation change as the research methods are inadequate to determine the effectiveness of these interventions." Glassgold added: "At most, certain studies suggested that some individuals learned how to ignore or not act on their homosexual attractions. Yet, these studies did not indicate for whom this was possible, how long it lasted or its long-term mental health effects. Also, this result was much less likely to be true for people who started out only attracted to people of the same sex." APA Based on this review, the task force recommended that mental health professionals avoid misrepresenting the efficacy of sexual orientation change efforts when providing assistance to people distressed about their own or others' sexual orientation."
Tom May 31, 2013 at 12:20 pm
As I said earlier " if all goes well we will end the 49er days festival with fireworks onRead More Sunday, June 30th" Unfortunately all did not go well and we will not be able to have the fireworks this year. It takes a lot of donations to run a festival this large, so maybe if we get an early start for next year we will end the 2014 49er Day's Festival with a bang. Also we still could use some volunteers to help at tome of the functions during the festival. If you are able to volunteer, call Tom Bourque at 603-548-3958
David F May 3, 2013 at 03:02 am
We (parents) have created the hyper competitiveness of amateur sports. Pressure on coaches is aboutRead More winning, not too many coaches get fired who win state championships. . The measure that USA Hockey uses to assess the advancement of skill levels of US players is how many reach the NHL. The state legislature is trying to solve a problem even though they cannot define what the problem is.
J Johnson May 9, 2013 at 10:52 pm
The writer of this bill, Dean Urdahl, has gone on the record that NO coach has ever lost his job inRead More Minnesota based only on parent complaints - so why all the fuss and sense of need to do something? What Leah seems to think is the opinion of many parents and she is very wrong. Hasn't everyone read the news reports of coaches who abuse players, who steal from the school district, who are horrible with kids, who choose teams based on which parents will contribute $ to the program? This ILLEGAL behavior routinely happens in practically every school district. This legislation is a shield for bad coaches. Never heard of a good coach, who treats players with respect and who works on skill improvement in positive ways ever being let go. School districts and bad coaches put duct tape over their mouths to avoid the scandal that would result if the community knew what was happening on some high school teams. AD's, principals and school boards already have plenty of policies in place that make it almost impossible to fire employees - why do coaches need more protection than the lunch ladies, custodians, aides, teachers and support staff? The answer is they don't and this whole thing is a ploy to keep the good old boys network of bad coaches in their positions.
Orono May 20, 2013 at 06:06 pm
My son attends a school with the opposite situation. He attends a private school, competion toRead More attract new students can get severe. His school has gotten caught up in the desire to be a player in the sports arena in an effort to gain more students. While I admire the desire to become more competitive, when you dont have enough kids to field a football team, being competitve shouldnt be your first priority. The school has recently gone away from teachers being coaches to hiring outside the school. They recently hired a baseball coach that used to play professionally. When he is not coaching highschool, he runs a baseball academy. He cant live off only his coaching salary. His baseball academy is his bread and butter. It costs about $4000 to attend this academy. Half the academy was made up of his own highschool players. The players that paid the money and attended the academy played all the innings during the highschool season. The school was left with a huge black eye and was forced to replace him. The school has a senior class of only 70 kids (boys and girls) to begin with. It seems the math teacher who used to coach the team didnt have a sexy enough resume to attract outside students. The fiasco caused many average kids who couldnt afford the academy to quit. Now the school has even fewer kids playing and is forced to play underclassmen at the varsity level to fill the roster. Making a bad team even worse.
Russell Jones April 26, 2013 at 03:13 am
I agree with Ms. Powell, the cops have encrypted frequencies they can use that aren't available toRead More scanners. If the cops don't use them it's their mistake. The majority of communication should be allowed since law enforcement is paid for by our tax dollars making it publicly owned. The people have a right to know what their government is doing!
Penny May 18, 2013 at 05:25 am
Explore the latest women's bag collections exclusively available atRead More http://pinterest.com/louisvuittonlv/. Louis Vuitton Spring Summer 2013 Show your fashion style now!
Michael Hindin May 23, 2013 at 04:45 pm
Private channels are often difficult to arrange when you have multiple agencies involved. In thisRead More area there has been much progress in having compatible communication between different emergency responders. Cell phones help when time is not an issue.